Desecration of Relationships: Uncovering Myths About Pornography, Pt. 1

Pornography destroys marriages on a variety levels. It’s impossible to cover all the evils of pornography in one article, so I’ll mention just a few here. In a follow-up article, I’ll write about further myths. In the final article in this series, the expensive toll betrayal trauma plays on the victim will be discussed.

It’s no secret that marriage has been on the decline for decades, and divorce has been on the incline for just as long. What isn’t discussed enough is the role pornography plays in the high divorce rate, and the immense damage caused by betrayal trauma. The victimized spouse feels shattered, betrayed, confused, and she often blames herself for her husband’s deviant behavior. The sexually-addicted spouse feels a deep and pervasive sense of shame—toxic shame that, if not treated and healed, actually keeps the cycle of pornography use going.

Although women can also be abusers of pornography (and increasingly so), most often it’s men who are involved. Many boys are now exposed to porn at a very early age, far earlier than in past generations. With the easy availability of internet porn and the fact that most kids have at least one electronic device (usually several), the crisis of pornography has now reached epidemic proportions. These innocent boys are often exposed to porn by less-innocent (and usually older) neighbors, peers, or even family members—and, as research shows, on average as early as age 10 or 11. Once it becomes a part of their lives, these children begin using porn as a self-soothing mechanism to counteract the confusion of adolescence or feelings of neglect, abuse, or other issues in their family life.^[1] By the time they’re adults, the sexual addiction has become so ingrained that they often fail at relationships with real, authentic partners. They simply don’t know how to relate to a woman who has her own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and needs.

And they don’t know how to act in healthy, loving, intimate ways.